I actually have a personal blog that I write every now and then. It is very personal that it is not even on the internet. I keep just one copy for myself and it is in a very safe place. Here's one excerpt from my personal, very personal blog---
3 December 2007
I can't believe that it is already December and here I am writing this shit again after selfishly abandoning it for almost one whole month. I do still comes back home every weekend. Where else am I supposed to go? But it’s just that I never seem to have enough time to catch up on everything every weekend. I still have magazines that I haven't read, my room is very dusty, I need a haircut, and I SERIOUSLY have to shave my ****! Now that I am a 9-5 working man, I finally understood why the hell people always get really excited about weekend. When I'm in Nilai throughout the weekdays, it feels as if my life is being put on hold. My life pretty much revolves around the college, students, my office mates and lunch breaks. It sucks but it certainly does put some food on the plate for me. I'm not suppose to complain..
I am sooo-fucking jaded. I know it’s a word that I have used like millions of times before. But that is pretty much what life is for me at the moment. I feel tired, old and bored at every waking hour. I am not foreign to this situation. It’s just that right now it feels very empty and I feel like there's something missing in my life on day to day basis. I do have friends that surprisingly managed to make me laugh and smile every now and then. As soon as I'm done with work at 5 pm everyday, I started to feel like a complete loser all over again. There's this unusual kind of emptiness that makes even 300-page of fashion magazine seems worthless to me..
It's pay day next week. I am broke. I can't wait to go and get myself a new pair of shoes. Though I'm not really sure if that can make me feel happy..
P/S: I wrote this piece of crap before my weekend trip to the city last week. After mindless hours of shoppin and bitchin with my close friends, and not to mention continuous supply of nicotine I feel slightly better. Relieved and I feel like a new person. Check back in couple more days and see if I’m still zen like I am right now.